what the past has brought me (3/3)

three of three

People come and go. It happens. But I hope this one stays.

 

(3) two. one. two.

 

I got hints, but never did I imagine that the breaking point will be that year. Funny, because I was holding on to something that wasn’t even strong enough to begin with. It was suicide.

Nine years ago I met someone funny, smart and outspoken. He’s really far from my ideal guy, but strange things happen. I fell for the person. I was fifteen back then, and was really stupid for not listening to my mom and my sisters when they told me, “Tigilan mo ‘yan.” 

I was in love, for sure. I thought I was doing something right, and I kept fighting for it even if the whole thing was a mess. Then, one day the guy wanted to break ties. That time, I was too tired to give a damn of everything, so I let him. It was easy. /how i felt/

Being with someone for eight years is no joke, though we weren’t really physically present for the whole duration of the relationship, it was still mind-blowing how we got that far. Well, he was a good man, he took care of me and he treated me right as much as he can. When he left, I thought I won’t be able to find a man who will treat me the same.

BUT BOY, I WAS WRONG. 

I was doing the laundry when a famous quote from a book popped into my mind.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I read that book when I was in college, and that line was indeed famous. But to be honest, I didn’t get it. It was just a “relate-able quote” for some, but I never really understood it. Until that afternoon when I was doing my laundry. It was like an “AHA!” moment when I recalled that line and finally understood what it means.

Indeed, I accepted the love I thought I deserved. Even if it caused me pain, and even cost me my relationship with my family. I thought everything will be worth it. And I thought everything that you fought for will reward you victory in the end. I was wrong. Looking back at how stupid I was in making decisions, I realized how naive and blinded I was in love. I kept on justifying everything, even if it wasn’t right and probably against God’s will for me.

God must have been looking at me like, “My poor child, you deserve better.” And I don’t know what kind of power He used on me that I didn’t feel any pain through the separation process. He helped me pick up myself again, and fortified me with His grace and love. I had everything I need, but still, He gave me more.

 

and then, October 15 happened. 

 

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what the past has brought me (1/3)

The year ended up pretty quickly and looking back, it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Sure, lots of good things happened last year, countless answered prayers, blessings I did not ask for but I received anyway, new experiences and learning. However, the previous year also broke my heart in so many ways, but it paved way for greater blessings I did not even imagine.

(1) strengthening the core

It was January when my mom sat us down in our room and convinced us to attend a weekend seminar at our parish. My mother, ever since we were little, likes to involve herself in church activities. She has been an active member of several religious organizations and likes to participate in different church activities. I always admire her faith and dedication in serving God and the community.

Going back, my sisters and my brother-in-law agreed to spend our weekend at church and attended the seminar. At first, my heart wasn’t ready, but I knew it was God who opened my heart to receive His invitation to move closer to Him. To listen to His words and say “Yes!” to His call. My Catholic faith and understanding deepened after that weekend, and I have never felt more renewed in my entire life.

A few weeks after that weekend encounter, it was another big event for my sisters and I, because it was Singles For Christ International Conference. and it was a 3-day conference. I wasn’t a member yet when I joined the ICon, but it was a great experience to sing praises and listen to beautiful testimonies of other people. From there, I knew that life is so much better if you surround yourself with people who are rich in faith and will let you grow in love with God. My spiritual journey did not stop there. Two months after attending ICon, my sister and I took the leap and joined Christian Life Program to become fully-fledged Singles For Christ. From there, we met more of our brothers and sisters who helped us light our paths back to Christ.

 

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Takeaways from the book, I Declare

Ciao! It’s Chams. Welcome back to my blog.

It’s been a while since I last posted an inspirational blog for you all. I was overwhelmed with the amount of positive responses from my Sunday Devotional and how it helped others to get through their daily struggle and how it reminded them of His love. For today’s post, I want to share with you excerpts and some of my learning from Joel Osteen’s book, I Declare. It has 31 different promises to speak over each day and will help you be in a positive state of mind as well as strengthening your faith in God. Continue reading Takeaways from the book, I Declare