what the past has brought me (3/3)

three of three

People come and go. It happens. But I hope this one stays.

 

(3) two. one. two.

 

I got hints, but never did I imagine that the breaking point will be that year. Funny, because I was holding on to something that wasn’t even strong enough to begin with. It was suicide.

Nine years ago I met someone funny, smart and outspoken. He’s really far from my ideal guy, but strange things happen. I fell for the person. I was fifteen back then, and was really stupid for not listening to my mom and my sisters when they told me, “Tigilan mo ‘yan.” 

I was in love, for sure. I thought I was doing something right, and I kept fighting for it even if the whole thing was a mess. Then, one day the guy wanted to break ties. That time, I was too tired to give a damn of everything, so I let him. It was easy. /how i felt/

Being with someone for eight years is no joke, though we weren’t really physically present for the whole duration of the relationship, it was still mind-blowing how we got that far. Well, he was a good man, he took care of me and he treated me right as much as he can. When he left, I thought I won’t be able to find a man who will treat me the same.

BUT BOY, I WAS WRONG. 

I was doing the laundry when a famous quote from a book popped into my mind.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I read that book when I was in college, and that line was indeed famous. But to be honest, I didn’t get it. It was just a “relate-able quote” for some, but I never really understood it. Until that afternoon when I was doing my laundry. It was like an “AHA!” moment when I recalled that line and finally understood what it means.

Indeed, I accepted the love I thought I deserved. Even if it caused me pain, and even cost me my relationship with my family. I thought everything will be worth it. And I thought everything that you fought for will reward you victory in the end. I was wrong. Looking back at how stupid I was in making decisions, I realized how naive and blinded I was in love. I kept on justifying everything, even if it wasn’t right and probably against God’s will for me.

God must have been looking at me like, “My poor child, you deserve better.” And I don’t know what kind of power He used on me that I didn’t feel any pain through the separation process. He helped me pick up myself again, and fortified me with His grace and love. I had everything I need, but still, He gave me more.

 

and then, October 15 happened. 

 

signature

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

what the past has brought me (2/3)

two of three

 

To new experiences;

(2) running after passion and some mishaps

If you have been following me for quite some time now, you’d probably know that I am a Nutritionist-Dietitian. My love for food made me become one. I vividly recall how my Professor asked me when he interviewed me for admissions:

“Why Nutrition and Dietetics?” he said, as he leaned back on his swivel chair.

“I like food and I like to cook, Sir.” I said. A bit disappointed with my answer because it was too shallow. “I want to know the right food to eat if you have this certain illness.” I added, just so it becomes a bit more acceptable.

Fortunately, I got accepted in the program. Got a tres during the first semester. Got a singko during my sophomore year. Became a Dean’s Lister on my third year. And passed my thesis on my fourth year. My life during college was pretty chill. I was an average student. No expectations from parents, and no expectations from anyone. I graduated on time. And passed the licensure exam the same year.

To me, Nutrition and Dietetics is my first love. And I even told myself, I cannot see myself in any other field but this.

But boy, I was wrong. 

Back when I was still in the Uni, I really admired my Professors. While everyone else were ranting about how complicated students’ lives were, I was there, thinking about how Professors were having a much more difficult time. Standing in front of the students for three straight hours, discussing, coaching, mentoring, going home with lots of paper works– I mean? These people are awesome! (except my Physics Prof who failed 80% of my class)

When I finally got hold of my Nutritionist-Dietitian license, I was offered with a job from a non-government organization who partners with different Universities for their Nutrition Practicum. I was a Community Nutrition Supervisor for graduating students of Nutrition and Dietetics. We were assigned to immerse in a small barangay in Bataan. For a month. Fun. We were living together in the same house. Fun. It was like babysitting, but instead, they gave me adults to look after, and some of them were even older than me! Aside from babysitting, I had to make sure that they learn and teach them how to expose their selves in the community. Give interventions, and help the community with the projects they thought of.

Of course, it was difficult. Grown ups were harder to control. They were resilient. And sometimes, they weren’t open for new information, just because “Eto ‘yung tinuro samin sa *insert prestigious school*.”

I thought I was going to fail as an educator.

But, I stood firm. Sought advice from my mentor and went on with it. At the end of my students’ practicum, they all made me a letter of appreciation (without me asking them ha, lmao). Seriously, they all made me cry of happiness when they told me how grateful they were that I was their supervisor.

And, it was then that I knew how much I wanted to be an educator.

A few months later, I was like a proud Mum when they passed their board exams. One of my students even landed a place on the Top 10! I was actually surprised when one of them messaged me, and thanking me for inspiring her to choose the field of Community Nutrition. She told me that she was bummed when their Community Nutrition Practicum was approaching because she hated it so much. But after our immersion, she fell in love with it and eventually landed a job as a Community Nutritionist. It was the best thing ever.

It was 2017 when I drifted apart with my first love, Nutrition and Dietetics. I thought I needed a break, and I remembered how much I wanted to become an educator. I wanted to be a Professor but I haven’t taken any units for Post-Graduate studies, and that is the minimum requirement to be one. If I can’t be a Professor yet, maybe there’s another way to become an educator.

So I became a Pre-School Teacher.

[ more of that on my next blog ]

 

signature

 

what the past has brought me (1/3)

The year ended up pretty quickly and looking back, it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Sure, lots of good things happened last year, countless answered prayers, blessings I did not ask for but I received anyway, new experiences and learning. However, the previous year also broke my heart in so many ways, but it paved way for greater blessings I did not even imagine.

(1) strengthening the core

It was January when my mom sat us down in our room and convinced us to attend a weekend seminar at our parish. My mother, ever since we were little, likes to involve herself in church activities. She has been an active member of several religious organizations and likes to participate in different church activities. I always admire her faith and dedication in serving God and the community.

Going back, my sisters and my brother-in-law agreed to spend our weekend at church and attended the seminar. At first, my heart wasn’t ready, but I knew it was God who opened my heart to receive His invitation to move closer to Him. To listen to His words and say “Yes!” to His call. My Catholic faith and understanding deepened after that weekend, and I have never felt more renewed in my entire life.

A few weeks after that weekend encounter, it was another big event for my sisters and I, because it was Singles For Christ International Conference. and it was a 3-day conference. I wasn’t a member yet when I joined the ICon, but it was a great experience to sing praises and listen to beautiful testimonies of other people. From there, I knew that life is so much better if you surround yourself with people who are rich in faith and will let you grow in love with God. My spiritual journey did not stop there. Two months after attending ICon, my sister and I took the leap and joined Christian Life Program to become fully-fledged Singles For Christ. From there, we met more of our brothers and sisters who helped us light our paths back to Christ.

 

— — —

signature

 

 

Self-care is necessary

Ciao! It’s Chams. 🙂

I know there are days when you feel exhausted, lonely and sometimes, getting up in the morning is like the hardest thing to do. Don’t worry, you are not alone. I’ve been there too, and though it was not as easy to get away with that phase, I know that you can do it! 🙂 As for me, I practiced self care to help get myself together and be a brand new person. It was really helpful, because you know, the only person that can take the best care of yourself is YOU! So, here are some self-care ideas that you can try! Continue reading Self-care is necessary

Gogh-ing where?

Ciao! It’s Chams. Welcome back to my blog!

If you’re an art junkie like me, you probably know Vincent van Gogh. He’s a post-impressionist painter from the late 1800s. His works are far different than the other painters from his era, mainly because of his play with colors and the life behind his creations. 

tumblr_ohkrtf4XUT1uno395o1_500
“The Starry Night” – Van Gogh, 1889 // this is a moving version of The Starry Night, to show the life behind this creation.

Vincent lived an unhappy life. He was broke most of the time, he didn’t have a decent job, he jumped from one city to another, his love life was a mess, he had mental illness, he was treated by his neighbors as a freak, no one was interested in his paintings (during his lifetime), and no one appreciated him as an artist (again, during his lifetime). The only thing that was good about his life, was his relationship with his brother Theo. They were really close, and he got Vincent’s back since day 1. Continue reading Gogh-ing where?

Portrait Sessions Vol. II | My sister

de02ab8eac9b8908d6feb81fd9eb6996
It was a chill afternoon, Ate Tin and I decided to have a little shoot session around our house. This was taken at our garage. I really love our textured walls and how it gives earthy color to the photo.

This is Christine. She is my sister.

There is a lot to say about her. But, let me tell you a story about courage and faith, and how these two words best describe her.


Rainbows

cjsndals
We were aiming for a weird, rather odd photo shoot.

“It’s been over a month since I gave birth last June 13, 2017, 5:43AM via Normal Spontaneous Delivery, my due was June 19, we have been waiting for that day when we’ll be able to meet our little girl. Even if I have been too scared to think about giving birth.

I started to feel mild cramps at 10pm, June 12, I was thinking maybe those are just Braxton Hicks contractions or false labor since I have read all about them but at 1AM the contractions became noticeable and intervals are getting closer. My husband, Gelo gave our OB a heads up and told us to rush to the hospital as soon as I feel that the contractions are getting painful and at close intervals. 3AM, I told Gelo to help me get a warm bath before we head to the hospital which is less than 10 mins away from home. While he was bathing me, I noticed the mucus plug and excitedly told him that I know I am about to give birth that day. When we arrived at the hospital I was rushed at the Operating Room and all I can feel was excitement and anticipation despite the pain. The resident OB checked and told me I was fully dilated. The nurses checked for Prism’s heart tone but they’re having a hard time to locate it.” Continue reading Portrait Sessions Vol. II | My sister

Takeaways from the book, I Declare

Ciao! It’s Chams. Welcome back to my blog.

It’s been a while since I last posted an inspirational blog for you all. I was overwhelmed with the amount of positive responses from my Sunday Devotional and how it helped others to get through their daily struggle and how it reminded them of His love. For today’s post, I want to share with you excerpts and some of my learning from Joel Osteen’s book, I Declare. It has 31 different promises to speak over each day and will help you be in a positive state of mind as well as strengthening your faith in God. Continue reading Takeaways from the book, I Declare